Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Grumpy Calvinist

Last night at The Hartford Project the speaker was asking the kids Bible trivia questions. She asked, "Who killed Abel?" One of the kids stood up. "Cain!" he said.

The speaker acknowledged that this was the correct answer. I started laughing to myself, though, because I imagined the incident playing out differently with a ridiculous caricature I'll call Grumpy Calvinist. Grumpy Calvinist would reply, "I'm sorry, that's wrong. The correct answer is GOD, because God is sovereign over all things."

Grumpy Calvinist would continue to ask a series of Bible trivia questions, each one being answered "correctly" by the children but incorrectly as far as he is concerned. To each answer he would offer the same correction: "I'm sorry, but..."

Our speaker last night gave candy to the kids who answered correctly, but Grumpy Calvinist would never do that. He would want them to learn that good doctrine is its own reward.


  1. Hilarious. Sounds like a crotchety, old, slightly-off-his-rocker character for a novel– or a Christian sitcom- who, in addition to sternly overruling in children's activities, takes it upon himself to exclaim "Praise God!" and "Glory be!" whenever there's a prayer request for someone who's got cancer or has been in an accident.

  2. Glory be!!! Hahaha

    My friend just told me this guy goes to his church.